The Annual Visit Comes Too Often

As responsible ladies, we do our duty of an annual visit to a person who knows our bodies perhaps better than we do ourselves. During this investigative experience, ever notice the incredibly large selection of magazines in these doctors’ waiting rooms? It’s very useful to help distract your mind during the 1 ½ hour interim before you get to climb up on that table and….I hate to even think about it.

 

Then, you hear your name called and think, okay, it will all be over in a few minutes. But instead, you’re asked to step on a scale and the nurse marks down your weight with no comment and you hope she doesn’t review the chart and notice the 20 pound weight gain since last year. You know how they want you to strip for the exam but expect you to remain fully clothed for the weigh in? Does anyone else see the injustice in that?

 

Next, you’re escorted into a wallpapered room with what appears to be a comfortable exam table with its thick white padding until you glance at the stirrups and remember why you’re there. You’re handed a gown while the smiling nurse tells you to take everything off and put on the gown with the opening in the front. This last piece of information is important since I once reversed that direction and it made the exam a bit awkward. She leaves the room and you think—“How can she possibly think I’m going to get naked after she just weighed me and was witness to the terrifying results?” Maybe that’s the alternative interpretation of the acronym OBGYN--oh boy, gosh you’re naked. And just what is the point of the gown? It’s not like they are styled well enough to cleverly hide my mommy belly or the cellulite that is peeking out from behind my legs. So, what added measure of decorum is it really offering?

 

While in this dilemma, I considered my options—1. Stay clothed and tell the doctor I only need him to look over me externally, I’m sure all of my inside parts are good as new; 2. Stay clothed and leave the room saying I made a mistake and thought I was at the dentist’s office; 3. Get undressed, don the gown and tie it with a fancy bow that’s impossible to undo.

 

I give in and slip into the micro centimeter thick gown and wait in the cold (and I mean cold!), sterile exam room and think, “Alright the doctor is going to see me soon and this is almost over.” Wrong! I got to stay in this get-up and wait another 20 minutes! And, no magazines. Well, that’s the time you need to read about the current Hollywood starlet in the latest edition of People. On a side note, do you think she goes through this or does she hire somebody to fill in for her?

 

As I was waiting for the doctor, I tugged at my modest earring. When I was getting ready that morning, I almost chose copper-colored medium-sized hoops which went really well with my outfit but I thought they would be extreme with the gown. I glanced around the room and my eyes fell on the little corner of the exam room that has a curtain where you disrobe and don the gown. I had thrown my clothes on the seat with my discarded bra on top. I realized the doctor would be able to see it. How embarrassing! I leaped from the table and remedied the situation. “Phew, that would have been embarrassing if he had seen my bra,” I thought while waiting naked for the top to bottom exam.